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Each of us is unique in how we cope with loss, but often our own way just doesn't seem to be working and we find ourselves overwhelmed. To help you work through your grief, there are things you can do to help work through the grief and ease your pain. Below is a list of what I like to call "grief excercises." It's a list of techniques compiled from suggestions given to me by visitors to Mom's Halo. It's possible that not all of these will work for you, but try them out, you may be surprised.
Writing is often one of the best therapies for the soul. It is often times easier to express yourself in writing than to talk with someone. Personally I have a very tough time expressing myself to others, but I find that sitting down and writing (or typing into the computer) helps me to express my emotions.
Here are various ways to write down your feelings:
Find someone you can confide in. Someone who will listen and not judge you and/or your feelings. If you don't have someone like this or don't feel comfortable with anyone you know, try seeing a counselor. Most health insurance offers counseling services. A counselor can be very beneficial as an outsider who will listen and help guide you through your grief. A word of note though, if you are uncomfortable with your counselor, but still need to talk, request a different counselor. Sometimes you just might not feel as comfortable with one counselor as another. Don't be afraid or ashamed to ask to see someone else. Counselors are professionals. They understand this.
This is a great recommendation from Amanda, daughter of Mary and Mike. Here is her suggestion:
"I find that listening to music is a great therapy for me. First I listen to songs that I know will bring on the tears so I can cry. Then I switch to music that my mother listened to; things I know made her smile. Then just plan old silly, happy songs. I always feel better when its over. Often I will try to do this when driving. I find driving to be very relaxing.. but I pull the car over when it's time to cry. I just find a long open road and go."
This is an excellent idea! What better way to honor your Mother than to volunteer your services to help others? Keep in mind though, not to busy yourself to the point that you bottle up your emotions inside. Here is what Pat, Ann's daughter, offers as a suggestion:
"Through all the grief and pain I have always tried keeping busy with my volunteer work as an EMT on a local ambulance/first response unit, and, I also teach EMT classes, Emergency Responder classes, CPR and First Aid classes. Mom was always so very proud of my work for the community....so, in keeping busy and continuing on I feel I am helping to keep her pride in me alive as well as our love for each other."
Many people find this comforting. Find yourself a quiet place where you can be alone with your thoughts. Sit quietly or play some soft, soothing music. Just listen for awhile. Let your mind go and see where it leads you. Then try to clear your thoughts and pray or think about some of the happy memories you have of Mom. You may also talk to Mom as if she is there with you. Cry if you need to; don't hold anything back.
This can be extremely therapeutic but it can also be very difficult. If you feel you aren't quite ready for this, then take it slow. It can be (and probably will be) painful at first. If you have someone willing to listen, willing to hear and talk about your Mom, then by all means, talk and share! Talk about your Mom and some of the fond memories you have of her. The Support Forums here on the Mom's Halo website is a great place to share memories about your Mom.
Being able to share with others who can directly relate to your experience is an excellent form of therapy. How many times have you wished you could talk to someone who would understand how you feel? I mean really understand because they have gone through the same thing. Well, that is what a support group is all about. That is also what Mom's Halo is all about. A place to get together and share with others who have lost their Mother. Or, call your counselor (or health insurance) to find out if there is a support group you can join in your area. If neither of those work out for you, you may want to consider forming your own support group. (You may want to get some assistance from a counselor or similar professional, though).
----------- Have a suggestion to add to this list? Send me an